lovely_ambition (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovely_ambition) wrote2006-09-27 02:50 pm
lovely_ambition) wrote2006-09-27 02:50 pm
Entry tags:
Title: Ignorance
Title: Ignorance
Characters/Pairing: Robert Chase
Prompt: 019. Denial
Word Count: 986
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None.
Author's Notes: Chase denies he ever knew.
He remembered, but he didn’t know.
…calling, just in case you didn’t know, Rowan, and being such good friends, I just thought I’d let you know. If you didn’t already, but of course.
They were days of school for him with pleated grey pants and navy blue vests and crisp collared shirts, of grass stains on his knees and joking around with mates who wanted to know if he was up for a rugby match. “Who knows, Robbie,” Nathan used to taunt, shoving him in the way that boys can without being cruel or bullies. “Maybe Dad’ll show up this time.” The taunt was usually met with a chorus of agreeing boos and jeers, but Chase had never said anything.
He was, after all, just nine. He was one of the boys. Why argue?
Nights were typical fare, nothing really to get interested in past the normal family dinners where the sounds of silverware on the china was always louder than the conversation – given that Rowan ever did turn up, since most of the time, his patients were closer to him than the people he lived with … though not for much longer.
He’d been the one to get the message on the machine that day, checking to see if maybe Chris had called to talk about the game.
Rowan, it’s Dr. Sadler. I had Annabelle come by today for her yearly, you know.
The arguments had started one night when the china was used for more than eating because it had been crashing upon the floor. It was after The Message, the one Chase had found on the machine and he had ignored the arguments. Everyone’s parents fought. Scott’s Dad screamed at his Mum, but then they did that gross kissing with tongues thing, so it was fine, right?
Mum broke the dish, but it wasn’t an accident. Chase didn’t figure that out until he was sixteen – the magic age when the veil of ignorance had lifted, when he didn’t have his mother to hide behind in the shadow of denial, because now she was dead. She’d thrown it to the floor, in ire at Chase’s father.
All because of the truth.
She had to have a minor surgery performed, we just removed a tooth is all. Your insurance covered it perfectly, hardly a worry to have there.
Divorce was a word whispered, but the one even less whispered was ‘diseased’. It was an ugly word that Rowan used often, about his patients at work and sometimes about his home life, calling it a ‘diseased and worthless mockery of a real life with a caring wife’. He never looked at Chase when he said those things because Chase never bothered to give him the chance, pushing around his vegetables on his fine china. Chase never realized that he should have been far more afraid of Disease than Divorce, but in those days, he denied either of them.
Rowan, there’s a bit of a problem with Annabelle. I could just be overreacting here, but…I really don’t think so, not thinking about it.
Chase stood at the machine with the message, his bag slung over his back as he peered around the house. It wasn’t new for Mum not to be around and it was even more common for Rowan to be gone. He’d just write down the message, just deliver it along, maybe even get a ‘good job’ this time. Praise was a hard thing to come by, so he gladly took it where he could.
During her removal, we gave her some anesthetic in order to numb the pain. I was quite worried when none of it seemed to take, and well…Rowan, I don't think things are quite right.
Chase had just thought it funny that they’d use words like that, because how could Mum not be okay with anes-stuff? Honestly, grown-ups were idiots sometimes. He’d have to tell Nate all about it.
I gave it to her three times, but nothing. I’d bring her in for a liver test if I were you, Rowan. No telling how long this has been going on for. Anyhow, I’m calling, just in case you didn’t know, Rowan, and being such good friends, I just thought I’d let you know. If you didn’t already, but of course.”
Then, he didn’t know and he didn’t care to know.
These days, Chase knows that while ER can be a wing in the hospital and one where he spends most of his days, it has a frighteningly more accurate meaning that he never did see until Sweet Sixteen and all the funeral homes were courting him with polished coffins and eternal candles.
“I’m very sorry, miss,” Chase tells a clinic patient, the sympathy and grief clear on his face. He gets his positive patient reviews, but sometimes, it hits so close to home that it feels like he’s reliving it again. “It looks like your mother is suffering from some alcohol poisoning,” he advised. Suffering was not always the key word. “It looks like it’s already caused some cirrhosis and if she doesn’t change her behaviour…”
The girl in front of him looks seventeen and scared, and Chase feels time slip away and he’s right back to where he was the first time he heard the message on his machine.
“If she doesn’t change,” Chase advises, grave and quiet, “she’s going to drink herself to death.”
The girl gasps softly and she goes frozen with shock.
And maybe when she goes home, she’ll process it, but maybe she won’t. News like this has a tendency to take a while to sink in for people, especially kids.
After all, it only took Chase five years. It only took him five years to understand a simple phone message that he never wanted to understand. Now, he understands too much and can’t ignore anything and he can’t tell which is worse.
END
Characters/Pairing: Robert Chase
Prompt: 019. Denial
Word Count: 986
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None.
Author's Notes: Chase denies he ever knew.
He remembered, but he didn’t know.
…calling, just in case you didn’t know, Rowan, and being such good friends, I just thought I’d let you know. If you didn’t already, but of course.
They were days of school for him with pleated grey pants and navy blue vests and crisp collared shirts, of grass stains on his knees and joking around with mates who wanted to know if he was up for a rugby match. “Who knows, Robbie,” Nathan used to taunt, shoving him in the way that boys can without being cruel or bullies. “Maybe Dad’ll show up this time.” The taunt was usually met with a chorus of agreeing boos and jeers, but Chase had never said anything.
He was, after all, just nine. He was one of the boys. Why argue?
Nights were typical fare, nothing really to get interested in past the normal family dinners where the sounds of silverware on the china was always louder than the conversation – given that Rowan ever did turn up, since most of the time, his patients were closer to him than the people he lived with … though not for much longer.
He’d been the one to get the message on the machine that day, checking to see if maybe Chris had called to talk about the game.
Rowan, it’s Dr. Sadler. I had Annabelle come by today for her yearly, you know.
The arguments had started one night when the china was used for more than eating because it had been crashing upon the floor. It was after The Message, the one Chase had found on the machine and he had ignored the arguments. Everyone’s parents fought. Scott’s Dad screamed at his Mum, but then they did that gross kissing with tongues thing, so it was fine, right?
Mum broke the dish, but it wasn’t an accident. Chase didn’t figure that out until he was sixteen – the magic age when the veil of ignorance had lifted, when he didn’t have his mother to hide behind in the shadow of denial, because now she was dead. She’d thrown it to the floor, in ire at Chase’s father.
All because of the truth.
She had to have a minor surgery performed, we just removed a tooth is all. Your insurance covered it perfectly, hardly a worry to have there.
Divorce was a word whispered, but the one even less whispered was ‘diseased’. It was an ugly word that Rowan used often, about his patients at work and sometimes about his home life, calling it a ‘diseased and worthless mockery of a real life with a caring wife’. He never looked at Chase when he said those things because Chase never bothered to give him the chance, pushing around his vegetables on his fine china. Chase never realized that he should have been far more afraid of Disease than Divorce, but in those days, he denied either of them.
Rowan, there’s a bit of a problem with Annabelle. I could just be overreacting here, but…I really don’t think so, not thinking about it.
Chase stood at the machine with the message, his bag slung over his back as he peered around the house. It wasn’t new for Mum not to be around and it was even more common for Rowan to be gone. He’d just write down the message, just deliver it along, maybe even get a ‘good job’ this time. Praise was a hard thing to come by, so he gladly took it where he could.
During her removal, we gave her some anesthetic in order to numb the pain. I was quite worried when none of it seemed to take, and well…Rowan, I don't think things are quite right.
Chase had just thought it funny that they’d use words like that, because how could Mum not be okay with anes-stuff? Honestly, grown-ups were idiots sometimes. He’d have to tell Nate all about it.
I gave it to her three times, but nothing. I’d bring her in for a liver test if I were you, Rowan. No telling how long this has been going on for. Anyhow, I’m calling, just in case you didn’t know, Rowan, and being such good friends, I just thought I’d let you know. If you didn’t already, but of course.”
Then, he didn’t know and he didn’t care to know.
These days, Chase knows that while ER can be a wing in the hospital and one where he spends most of his days, it has a frighteningly more accurate meaning that he never did see until Sweet Sixteen and all the funeral homes were courting him with polished coffins and eternal candles.
“I’m very sorry, miss,” Chase tells a clinic patient, the sympathy and grief clear on his face. He gets his positive patient reviews, but sometimes, it hits so close to home that it feels like he’s reliving it again. “It looks like your mother is suffering from some alcohol poisoning,” he advised. Suffering was not always the key word. “It looks like it’s already caused some cirrhosis and if she doesn’t change her behaviour…”
The girl in front of him looks seventeen and scared, and Chase feels time slip away and he’s right back to where he was the first time he heard the message on his machine.
“If she doesn’t change,” Chase advises, grave and quiet, “she’s going to drink herself to death.”
The girl gasps softly and she goes frozen with shock.
And maybe when she goes home, she’ll process it, but maybe she won’t. News like this has a tendency to take a while to sink in for people, especially kids.
After all, it only took Chase five years. It only took him five years to understand a simple phone message that he never wanted to understand. Now, he understands too much and can’t ignore anything and he can’t tell which is worse.
END
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the message is perfect, v. doctor doing something just outside of ethical for another doctor.
oh, to be innocent again!
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(Anonymous) 2007-04-04 04:35 am (UTC)(link)no subject
It's just a protein that's produced that breaks down the alcohol. Too much alcohol = too much protein = destroyed liver.
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(Anonymous) 2007-04-04 05:13 am (UTC)(link)I'm sorry to be a nitpicker, as I'm sure I'm one of the very few who would have any issue at all with this.
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